Courage looks deep into that canyon and says--I see you and I am coming down to feel the pain and what blossoms in such rich soil and surprises of shadow. I am coming down to find a scorpion in my boot and bluebells popping up through summer snow. I am coming in with a backpack full of things to shed while I am here. I am coming down there to look up and see how far I've come. I will look for the place where I lost my way and my senses could only be soothed by the stars. I will sleep in your cradle if it means I can actually sleep uninterrupted by your oasis. I will risk sunburn and dehydration to pick the scabs of my truth and I will climb deeper in to see the valley is home.
I remember so clearly Aware of my thinking How it felt good when He touched me What a soothing way to To help me fall asleep A friend of the family’s Teenager son Left in charge of me tucked in the bedroom of my mother’s childhood home I was in my mom’s bed
My mom’s bed where once She may have dreamed me up Or fought off trauma Us! Maybe as warriors Together! Maybe my mom Raising horses in the backyard Dreamed of me there in My mom’s bed
Where he touched me I remember his rubbing And then the shift in me Knowing When he whispered Don’t tell Anyone Don’t tell Your grandma when She gets home Left imprinted-confusion How I knew then what I had felt, I had enjoyed, Was wrong and that If I tell, it is My fault. So if I keep a secret- My secret of liking the attention or the secret that he told me not to tell or the secret that it happened This was what he taught me: That if I keep the secret It will still be my fault.