This Canyon (2)

Photo by Paul IJsendoorn on
Courage looks deep into that canyon
and says--I see you
and I am coming down to feel
the pain
and what blossoms in such rich soil
and surprises of shadow.
I am coming down to find 
a scorpion in my boot
and bluebells
popping up through summer snow. 
I am coming in with a backpack
full of things to shed
while I am here. 
I am coming down there 
to look up and see how
far I've come. 
I will look for the place 
where I lost my way
and my senses could only be soothed
by the stars. 
I will sleep in your cradle
if it means I can actually sleep
uninterrupted by your oasis.
I will risk sunburn and dehydration
to pick the scabs of my truth
and I will climb deeper in
to see the valley is home.



I remember so clearly
Aware of my thinking
How it felt good when
He touched me
What a soothing way to
To help me fall asleep
A friend of the family’s
Teenager son
Left in charge of me
tucked in
the bedroom of my mother’s
childhood home
I was in my mom’s bed

My mom’s bed
where once
She may have
dreamed me up
Or fought off trauma
Us! Maybe as warriors
Together! Maybe my mom
Raising horses in the backyard
Dreamed of me there in
My mom’s bed

Where he touched me
I remember his rubbing
And then the shift in me
When he whispered
Don’t tell
Don’t tell
Your grandma when
She gets home
Left imprinted-confusion
How I knew then
I had felt,
I had enjoyed,
Was wrong and that
If I tell, it is
My fault.
So if I keep a secret-
My secret of liking the
attention or the secret
that he told me not to tell
or the secret
that it happened
This was what he taught me:
That if I keep the secret
It will still be
my fault.