I remember so clearly Aware of my thinking How it felt good when He touched me What a soothing way to To help me fall asleep A friend of the family’s Teenager son Left in charge of me tucked in the bedroom of my mother’s childhood home I was in my mom’s bed
My mom’s bed where once She may have dreamed me up Or fought off trauma Us! Maybe as warriors Together! Maybe my mom Raising horses in the backyard Dreamed of me there in My mom’s bed
Where he touched me I remember his rubbing And then the shift in me Knowing When he whispered Don’t tell Anyone Don’t tell Your grandma when She gets home Left imprinted-confusion How I knew then what I had felt, I had enjoyed, Was wrong and that If I tell, it is My fault. So if I keep a secret- My secret of liking the attention or the secret that he told me not to tell or the secret that it happened This was what he taught me: That if I keep the secret It will still be my fault.