For Even the Drowning

Poetry/Free Verse

this. here.
a table to be refinished.
a repurposed can from
the plum tomatoes
you bought for Saucy Saturday.

it could never have been
without that lack of oxygen
I don’t mean that the air was thin
it was, of course.
two people sharing the same view
at 14,000 feet sometimes
look out over different vistas.

I appreciate the emptiness of that hike
grateful for even the loss of you.

our son’s imitation Kandinsky
from first grade
concentric circles in a frame
our child’s presentation, as artist

his wooden flute
his bathtub songs
our child growing
and named on the beach
in Tofino, remember?

grateful for even the scar
on my bone
I’ve got one of those seer aches
yes, we both feel the rain coming
yes, for even the emergency room.

your hand in mine
pulling each other
back down from Russian Hill
I told you there was no need
for a diamond, but there it was.

the summer we kissed
northern lights
a dream over our heads
grateful for even the drowning
the loss of you
surfacing and surfacing
through my days.

our life

our child growing up
our growing old
your warm body
reminding me
to let go of such losses
that led me to you.

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The Risk to Love

A Poem

the games we played
the dance we stepped
the deepened laughs we
raised

the oceans’ crests
the candles’ lights
the days we lived with
grace

the pain we numbed
the hope embraced
the fear we gave a
name

the poison’s blood
the marrow’s gold
the chance we chose to
take

the lovers’ risks
the mothers’ eyes
the dreams wish to be
awake

the choice to love
the life to lose
the spark will never
fade

Author’s note: This is the beginning of my thoughts on this. Yesterday, the world lost another beautiful person to cancer. I will miss my friend Grace, who was a shining light to so many people. She had the most courage and strength of anyone I have ever known. And as a former teacher of both her children, I will stand protector of them, even if from afar, forever.

Safari

A Poem

How exotic to be a part of your family
Your grandmother adorned in Shanghai Jade
Dreamy-eyed when your grandfather
Arrives home from the airport
Still very much alive
And celebrated widely
Kisses her, exhausted from healing,
Legacy beginning,
Doesn’t stop to sleep yet
And sits in his study
Clinking bourbon soaked ice
Between his cheek and his teeth

You and your sister
Not yet breathed life
On this earth
Will inherit these gestures
His folded-arm stance
Her slight secret humor
Their society’s gaze
The mountain view
From your own safari jet

And how as children
You will play
And read and dream
And not know
That I look at your class picture
Now with the others
Teenagers become
Perhaps moving on
From their loss of you

Author’s note: This is a poem I wrote in 2006. That year, a previous student of mine was killed with his entire family when their private chartered plane went down over Kenya.

Thank you for reading. Some other writings by Samantha Lazar:Reaching Hill
A Short Story (Part 1)medium.com Franklin Street Sidewalk
A Poem About Running Into An Old Lovemedium.com