For Even the Drowning

Poetry/Free Verse

this. here.
a table to be refinished.
a repurposed can from
the plum tomatoes
you bought for Saucy Saturday.

it could never have been
without that lack of oxygen
I don’t mean that the air was thin
it was, of course.
two people sharing the same view
at 14,000 feet sometimes
look out over different vistas.

I appreciate the emptiness of that hike
grateful for even the loss of you.

our son’s imitation Kandinsky
from first grade
concentric circles in a frame
our child’s presentation, as artist

his wooden flute
his bathtub songs
our child growing
and named on the beach
in Tofino, remember?

grateful for even the scar
on my bone
I’ve got one of those seer aches
yes, we both feel the rain coming
yes, for even the emergency room.

your hand in mine
pulling each other
back down from Russian Hill
I told you there was no need
for a diamond, but there it was.

the summer we kissed
northern lights
a dream over our heads
grateful for even the drowning
the loss of you
surfacing and surfacing
through my days.

our life

our child growing up
our growing old
your warm body
reminding me
to let go of such losses
that led me to you.

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Dogs

A Poem

Do the dogs know pain
Time just passes
without want
but for the moment

How I want to laze —
Run like them
Free

From waiting
for the car to show up
To pull into the driveway

Like it’s nothing

And everything
to hug your daughter

And remark on the pride
of seeing her grow and rise
to eminence
before your very eyes

Waiting for the showing up
is different from chasing

With chasing there is something
to go for

Even if it is imagined

How I long
to chase free
and have the dogs
tell me what to do

so I can walk away
from the bay window
of my childhood

Give me a reason to stop
watching the hill

Thank you for reading. Here are links to more writing:Paper Dolls
A Short Storypsiloveyou.xyz This Canyon (2)
Courage looks deep into that canyon
and says — I see you
and I am coming down to feel
the pain
and what blossoms in…medium.com

Rewind

A Rubaiyat Poem

I watch the world crumble to its core
As media shouts our latest gore
After hearts and bones are left behind
Shattered, no longer live like days before

And who decides life isn’t worth
The beauty humanity shares at birth
But truth will see lies are entwined
With how we spend our time on earth.

Oh massacred, you never had the chance
To wander through life’s great romance
Or find yourself lost in all the choices
For your swollen voice to take a stance

Shields, if only for our children, provide
For ghosts of shame dare you not to hide
Leave only those who demand to dream
That soon a day will turn the tide

Poetic Form Challenge

Where Will My Child Be Safe?

A Poem in Response to Prompt: Maps

We all sleep, and breathe and dream in this city —

But do not go east at night, dear child.

I have mapped these crimes,
These grand indictments.
These crossed lines
Extend past daybreak too
I’ve heard these tales, and steer clear
Of the latitudes and longitudes.

And south of here, right by school
Where you want to just look at Lego sets
Even though we have groceries to get —
This parking lot becomes territory
To lost souls who are not here
For Starbucks or weekly shopping peace.

And yes, all 12 voted, first degree
Behind your soccer practice fields
Mark on your map, a felony.
Don’t be alone for crossfire then —
Please hold my hand,
Just hold my hand.

And north of course,
Where you were born
Suspicious vehicle left to emergency
A man, left to bleed,
a kid, really —
Only 16.

Does his mother weep?
Her sweet son lost in the same driveway
Where first we both drove home,
Nursed our newborn boys
To sleep.
Mark the north spot. Ink it, deep.

Well west, you said,
Mama look how the sun sets —
It’s so beautiful, Mama.
Please look away my child.
I learned that predators are out on bail,
And I have no more ways for us to sail.

Originally Published Here.

When Words Are Lost

Calling you, change maker,
In your maker space
Come out, come out
Wherever you are,
And compose a breath
For all to take,
A dream for all
To finally awaken.

You can argue,
Not me, look away
And pretend this violence
Lives too far from home.

Compliance to the
Company that you keep,
Who pays someone else
To sweep your shame
Away, forgotten
Like the illusion of
Safety.

Again, wake up, you grieving child.
You were made to run.

It is, has been and will always be
Your discourse that we need.
Your voice for the future,
Stolen.

What word now, you speech weaver,
You diamond digger
You soul hider,
What happened after you promised
To lead?

And now to fight the bleed
The anger stuns,
And fear you eat
After which too full,
You drift back to sleep.

Calling you, the wisest one,
Removing your gag,
We’re listening.

You were never supposed to
Silence your song.

Translate it quickly,
Melting weapons
Back to metals,
Where they belong.

Samantha Lazar 2019

Originally Published Here

Instructions

This is what the instructor told me to do in some way. Go up to your room, open up a notebook, fresh and blank- take out the markers- the new set you just got, and make a list. First list all of the things you could do today. List even things you know you are not ever going to do, but they could be done. Then make a list of everyone you love and have ever loved and ever will love. Then make a list of all the things that make you happy- be sure to switch colors for each item on this list- so they stand out and you can use each color- which is something that makes you happy. Then turn the page and draw a picture of the first thing you see. Then space out and doodle in the details, stick out your tongue a little bit, and don’t notice you are doing it. Lay down then on your stomach, for surely sitting on the floor all this time has made your lower back ache- a sign that you have been creating hard. Next cross your legs behind you and let them sway while you pause to draw something else in the corner of the paper- up at the top- something you have not drawn before but for sure plan to go back to. Then breathe for five minutes. Even though you have been breathing this whole time- probably a little too loudly for concentration, now just breathe, and let the out breath come first and then the in breath. Let go, then take in what you can. Let go, and then make room for the newness, and in this way- the rage downstairs becomes possible to bear.